Right-Wing Exposed

Spring is the season for baseball, picnics, flower gardens and weddings.  So, it seems appropriate for this week’s Evangelical Monday segment to feature a “Christian” wedding. 

The self-proclaimed prophetess, Juanita Bynum, had a typical, ordinary wedding not too long ago.  You know, the common, everyday wedding scenario with nearly 1000 guests, a 12-piece orchestra and 80 people in the wedding party.  And, Juanita wore the humble wedding attire of a preacher; a satin gown covered with Swarovski crystals and the standard 50 foot train.  Juanita and her groom, Bishop Thomas Weeks the third, did not want to be ostentatious, so they downsized her wedding ring to a meager 7.76 carat diamond; moreover, to be frugal, they limited the total cost of the wedding to about one million dollars.

Who officiated this modest event?  John Hagee was one of the pastors.  I guess that he was probably a good choice, since a million-dollar wedding certainly calls for a million-dollar preacher.  Of course, every wedding needs a photographer, but when you have an 80-person wedding party you need more than one photographer.  And, who could be better to provide this service for such an event than an 8-member camera crew from TBN, Trinity Broadcasting Network.  So, don’t go rushing to judgment about the cost of this event because, as you can see, this ceremony was all about the gospel; a preacher-bride, a preacher-groom, a preachers’ camera crew, and a pro-Israel, anti-Catholic, millionaire preacher officiating the service.  What a holy event, right?

Unfortunately, not long after the wedding, the “Christian couple” parted ways.  And, not long after the separation, the  “Bishop” Weeks was arrested for assaulting the “prophetess”, allegedly having kicked, hit and choked her.  I’m sure it was just a little Christian disagreement conducted with love and respect.  Once again, don’t jump to hasty and unfair conclusions about these two dedicated servants of God, because there is a perfectly good explanation why this lovers’ spat occurred.  Bishop Weeks told authorities that “the devil made him do it”.  Now that you know the reason, I’ll bet you’re probably feeling a bit ashamed for having judged them, aren’t you?

Now that the Bishop has been expelled from Juanita’s nearly $5 million estate, the prophetess has more time to concentrate on how to better spread the gospel.  Therefore, she is creating a new makeup and bath products line, as well as planning to add a health spa for women onto her tiny 24-acre homestead.  How does that spread the gospel?  Well, how better to show people God’s love than by providing them quality lipstick, lotions and shampoo at slightly out-of-line prices?  And, you must also remember that this woman claims to be a prophetess, so God must have told her to spread the age-old truth that cleanliness is next to godliness.

It’s really too bad that Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks split up, because they made a good couple who deserved each other.  That’s “Evangelical Monday” for this week.

Tags: Evangelicals, Juanita Bynum, Thomas Weeks

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 22nd, 2008 at 4:59 pm and is filed under Pseudo Christianity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.